Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
