I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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