You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
