I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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