Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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