Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
