just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
