Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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