she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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