Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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