I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
