I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
