Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
