I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
