If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
