How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
