matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
