loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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