The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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