The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
