I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
