i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
