it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
