i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
