I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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