In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
