Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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