Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
