We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
