please come you make the beer taste better
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
