My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize