So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize