Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
