go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
