ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it's like heaven, but drunker
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
