We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
