New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
