it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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