i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
