At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
