i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
