why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
