if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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