So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
