I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
