I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
