I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
