I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
only you would photoshop your dick
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
