dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
