its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
