i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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