Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
