remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
