Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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