pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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