please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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