OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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