Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
