You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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