I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
