Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
