I can text with my tongue
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
