Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
