dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
