Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
