Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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