my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize