It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i drank out of a bidet.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
