How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
