i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
