yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
