At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
